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Coach Your Own Business

Coach Your Own Business

Coach Your Own Business

This podcast is entitled Coach Your Own Business – AKA, ‘why it takes a village and what’s wrong with the patriarchal, capitalist model of the lone hero idea of running a business.’ Which I know makes it sound like a college class that you’re only taking to get the easy credits, but I promise you it’s (hopefully!) a bit more entertaining than that.  We’re going to be talking about how broken many of the models of being a business owner or entrepreneur are – and what we need instead (hint: it’s far more gentle, kind and transformative that you might be thinking.)    We’re going to be discussing:
  • Cowboys and how the constructed myth of the Marlboro cowboy still influences our toxic modern day business culture. 
  • Power imbalances 
  • Toxic ‘authority building’, coaches as gurus (and why they’re particularly rife within the online business community) 
  • AND why you don’t need ANY of it. 
  Finally, I lay out why we need a different model of business. One that doesn’t rely on Patriarchal, overly hyped gurus and or going it on your lonesome way alone.  No.  I’ll share what I think we all really need in terms of support for a thriving business and how putting your own magic and power at the centre of it makes all the difference to you, your clients, and your bottom line. 


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Prefer to read rather than listen? Click here for the transcript

Be you own coach [00:00:00] Hi, Jo Casey, welcome to the Unshiny podcast. Okay. So today I’m going to talk to you about how to be the coach in your own business. AKA, why it takes a village and what’s wrong with the patriarchal capitalist model of the lone hero idea of running a business. [00:00:24] Well, which I just put as a subhead  because it made me laugh. But yeah, it’s kind of what we’re going to be talking about, but hopefully in a way that is a bit more interesting than the class that you signed up for at college. Do you get the extra credits? Because it just looked easy. You have to do now I want you to think of. [00:00:41] The, the kind of the great American hero concept and, and Britain, we have our own version of it too. I I’m, I’m thinking particularly of the American cowboy idea, because I think it’s such a iconic, powerful and pervasive image, not just within the business world, but within a kind of Western culture. [00:01:10] Overall the idea. Of the lonesome, self contained strong decisive there will be pistols at dawn, if you cross them freedom, loving cowboy. I was doing a bit research into this and discovered [00:01:30] that. As with many of these things, it’s total bullshit. Cowboys work. In reality, it was a very common job that was held by many different types of people. [00:01:48] There was a huge amount of the Mexican population. What does Cowboys in the,  the days of the war, the wild West Similarly African people of African descent. African-Americans yes, and women did it too. But that doesn’t fit with the idea that we have of the cowboy as being a white male. [00:02:10] Cowboys was wrangling cows. So how it translated into the idea of the gunslinger into the idea of the long guy on the holes is really interesting. And I discovered the, the idea of the cowboy says I conic image that is the real kind of mythology around it. Did not really come into play until the 1960s. [00:02:40] Oh, by the way, there’s a whole of the discussion to be had about, , the westerns and the idea of the Cowboys in the thirties and the forties. And then later on the 1960s and about, , colonialism and All of that stuff. And then white supremacist, racist, undertones. That’s another podcast for probably another person. [00:02:58] But if we think about the [00:03:00] cultural image of the cowboy, and honestly, I willingness to why this impacts your business. I promise we think about the cultural image of the cowboy. It wasn’t until Marlboro in the 1960s, decided to use that image of the Marlboro or cowboy and have that their advertising campaign around that, that, that the idea of the cowboy being the receptacle for. [00:03:30] Real manhood, real male identification really, really kind of took hold. This idea that well, here’s, here’s a quote. “I’ve always acted alone. Like the cowboy, the cowboy entering the village or city alone on his horse. He acts. That’s all.”. Henry Kissinger said that in 1972. So this idea that there’s this lone cowboy who acts that’s all it is is a real pervasive one that. [00:04:09] Has translated through to, , the idea of what makes a great leader and what makes a great business person, if you think of  the real iconic people that we see as being the charismatic business leaders, the Richard Bransons, the I’m not going to say the orange mans name but , even Oprah, [00:04:30] Beyonce and Jay Z and. [00:04:33] The people who are seen as real,iconic business leaders, they have this idea, this mythology almost around them, that their success is down to just their pure strength of will and determination and  their individualism I don’t know, these people. Personally, but this always an awful lot of stuff that’s going on behind the scenes. [00:05:03] And yet this mythology carries on.  I think it’s safe to say that the kind of past. Five or six years, haven’t been that great in terms of how we relate to one another as humans. And, , we can call it late stage capitalism.  We’ve seen the rise of fascism again in, europe and in the US I think a lot of that can be. [00:05:29] Not all of it, obviously, but a lot of that can be brought back to this idea of this toxic myth of individual freedom, individual freedom for some people, the white male. But let’s talk about how this then relates to you as a business owner. To me as a business owner. Because we also have a similar kind of idea of the lonesome cowboy in running our business. [00:05:58] I did the plucky, [00:06:00] solopreneur, the entrepreneur, , there’s, there’s the ads for that. There’s one for one of the cloud accounting systems at the moment. It’s like, you’re the sales person, you’re the delivery team. You’re the marketing assistant. You are the social media manager and you’re the bookkeeper and yes, that is true. [00:06:15] That is reality  for many of us, certainly when  we’re starting out. But what that can translate into is this idea that there is something inherently worthy and valuable in that, doing everything all on your own and don’t get me wrong. The reality is that certainly when we’re first starting out until we’re starting  to generate enough income that we can bring on team members that we have to do all of those things. And there’s also something about the fact that running your own business, whether it be a company of, of one you, Oh, you,  you have some people who are that too, , maybe you outsource some things. There is something fairly empowering about that. I love running my own business. [00:07:05] I am a massive introvert. I do not play well with others. Not that I get fighty with them. I just, , I’ll go very quiet and  I’m not great contributing to a team, but I love  the fact that I can take an idea or for a product or for a service, and I can create a sales page. [00:07:24] I can get out in the world and I can be running it, not to be making money for. I can be doing that really quickly. I [00:07:30] don’t need to ask anyone else, else permission. I don’t have to be at my desk for a certain time, unless I’ve decided that’s what I’m going to be at my desk. There is. Huge amount of empowerment that comes with that. [00:07:42] And that is a certain toxicity that comes with that. If it’s taken to its extreme and I’m somebody who has taken it to its extreme , I am somebody who , few years ago it was regularly working like 10, 12 hour days without rest. And, and it did not end well. [00:08:04]On the flip side, we also have. This pervasive message from a lot of people selling marketing programs, coaching programs, none of the people we know, none of us, there are some people out there who do, who do this, but this is joking aside. This is a really  common idea. That you need a coach or you need to join a high-end group program, or you need somebody who is going to tell you what you need to do. [00:08:43] And this makes me especially uncomfortable once , you see how the idea of the expert, the authority figure is, is manufactured and constructed. Once you can see behind the scenes a little bit, but there [00:09:00] is this idea that you are on your own and you need someone to tell you what you should do. [00:09:07]Which can end up becoming incredibly disempowering there are, so many high-end coaches and coaching programs out there where the model is based on power over, they are the authority. You are there to learn student teacher, if you like, and. It seems to be particularly pervasive in the coaching industry. [00:09:37] I don’t know if that’s true, but that’s the industry. I spent a lot of time in, I think Maggie Patterson calls it the the celebrity coach , the celebrity business owner, the person who’s, they, they have this real iconic brand around their own personality  around themselves. Very often, what is sold is the idea that you need their system, or you need their mindset hacks. [00:10:00] You need their secret sauce. And if you can just replicate that, then you will be able to have a business just like theirs. I have. Signed up for some of those programs myself. I, weep at the amout  of money. I’ve spent over the years on those kinds of things. And I know so many otherpeople who have done a similar thing. [00:10:22]Millions of made from business coaches all over the world, selling their programs on the back of this premise. that not only do we need to learn [00:10:30] exactly how that teacher launched and runs their business, but that doing so will be only way finding success. But the reality is that it’s a litter of broken promises and maxed out credit cards and a dwindling sense of, I can’t make this work. [00:10:48] So there must be something wrong with me. Or as we’ve talked about in previous episodes, I have to be like them in order to make this work. It puts all the onus for making it work on to the person who buys the program. So all the responsibility for that and , yet, it puts all of the power in the relationship in the hands of the coach or you, Oh God, you hear things that make me wince it’s like,  [00:11:13] if people are questioned, if there are questions asked, not even necessarily challenged, God  help you, if you challenge them. But if you’ve got even questions or ask for clarification, it’s like, well, you’re just really not getting this, or you have to do it this way, or you’re just not coachable that phrase. [00:11:29] You are just not coachable can be such a can be used in such a toxic and damaging way. The reality though, is that this idea of the guru model. It’s fundamentally flawed. It’s just as flawed as the lonesome cowboy idea, you don’t need a guru. Most of the gurus are sharing what’s worked for them, maybe,  of the best best of intentions, but that doesn’t necessarily translate to other businesses or stages of business. [00:12:00] [00:12:00] or they’re total bullshitters basing their guru status on a combination of ego and what’s called manufactured authority, which is. Basically putting a lot of work into appearing to be authoritative, like , you publish a book and you’ve got all your friends to buy it. And then,  you can say it’s on the top of the Amazon bestseller list and you’ve been posting pictures of themselves next to Richard Branson or next to Oprah because you met them at an event and have a quick snap, take them with them. [00:12:27]And look, I’m not calling everyone who does this a total bullshitter. I’m sure there are a lot of people who are doing these things because someone else has told them that they can’t succeed without quote unquote building authority. And we’re all following a script of what our business leaders are telling us to do often, not out of malice or manipulation, butout of a desire to make a living and. [00:12:50] Because they believe this fundamental myth of the online business world. People will only trust an authority figure because we live in a patriarchal society and we need a patriarch to look up to. And yes, women also try and emulate this, this idea as well. It is it’spatriarchy in action.  It goes back to this idea that only people of a certain status can be trusted and revered. [00:13:12]You don’t   have a post-graduate degree from a prestigious college then you’re not as authoritative as someone who has, even though a college education is prohibitively expensive and not available to everybody, or, maybe you don’t have access to, or, maybe there was,  academically. That would just wasn’t your [00:13:30] path. [00:13:31] don’t  have a picture. of yourself with Richard Branson, , Prince Andrew has a picture of him and Richard Branson and it only cost $27,000 a week for a Villa on Richard’s private Island. Yeah. Those . Things. aren’t, available to everyone. And yet, what is it about having the picture of the person next to Richard Branson or saying they’re on a business treats on Necker Island, but gives us this idea that they somehow know more and we can learn from them. [00:13:59] And this isn’t about. Shaming people for being rich or for having privilege, it’s about busting the myth that  having wealth or privilege automatically gives you authority over those who don’t. Because the flip side of that is if you don’t have, authority and privilege or certain level of it, then you are unable to have authority and for a long time, and certainly within. [00:14:24] White supremacist patriarchal system it is  very difficult if you aren’t a white privileged man to be given that level of quote unquote, authority, just look what happens to women of color. Politicians, just look what happens to , if a woman dares to run for president or,  goes out and isn’t model attractive. [00:14:49]Our, culture’s always promoted, powerful, rich white guys as the go-to experts for centuries. And that automatically diminishes [00:15:00] the value of the not rich, not white.not guy. In the process, and a lot of this stuff happens unconsciously. We don’t kind of think, Oh, why do I automatically assume that that person is going to know a lot about business? [00:15:14] Because they have a business that seems from the outside to be doing well and they dress a certain way and they talk a certain way. It’s because that’s what our culture tells us. And on the flip side is also probably telling you if you are not like that, that you. Can’t fit into this world. That’s what, when I talk about Feminine conditioning, that’s one of the messages that we have. [00:15:37]So I really want to invite you to  unpick and move away from the idea that you need an expert to tell you how to run your business. And that  doesn’t mean you go the opposite way and try and do it all by yourself and reinventing the wheel and exhausting yourself in the process. The truth as always is something else. [00:16:01] What we need is a different model of doing our business. One that places  your power and agency at its center. So there are going to be times when. You will likely need or benefit from having some strategic help. I mean, somebody who is on, , how I can get that big picture of your business, who has experience of awesome insights into maybe, , how does the market [00:16:30] currently work or what are some of the things that, that could work for you and your, your, your, your business at the moment? [00:16:36] I recently hired a content strategist who was able to help me strategically map out six months of content because I needed her, her kind of her expertise and her outside picture, you will probably also need or benefit from a coach, a coach who is going to be able to hold space for you and help you work through the, the stuff that inevitably comes up. [00:17:05] Who isn’t there to tell you what to do, but it’s going to be there to help and to guide and reframe things for you so that you can fully empowered from a place of that equal power relationship decide what’s going to be the best next steps for you. Maybe you’ll benefit from having a mentor, someone who is that. bit further along the path from you.  So for example, in my [00:17:31] work I tend to adopt different hats of strategist, consultant, coach, and mentor. , I operate in those, those different roles at different times, depending on. what, the client needs and where we’re at in the program and things, you more than likely  need a sounding board. Just somebody you can go. [00:17:51] Can I just run this idea by you? Cause I’m not sure if this idea is just fabulous or terrible. beacause sometimes you just need an [00:18:00] outsideeye. You most definitely will need one, if not several ledge guardians. That is the person who talks you down from the ledge. They are also known as the keeper of the business matches for the days when you’re having the burn it all down times. [00:18:16]And you need a group of fellow travelers, folks who are on a similar path to you, who you can turn to for advice, for sharing experiences for kind again, when you did this, what did you, what did you find or, Ooh, tell me how that was for you. And Oh, I also felt a similar way. I’m not on my own with this,  that whole idea of maybe sharing war stories or celebrating, or just people who get it. [00:18:44] People who just shop, talk with it means nothing if people aren’t in this world, so you need people who just get it. But being the owner of your magic and your business, that’s the essential bit. [00:18:58] And having support also essential. That way you have help for the areas that you need. There are times you’re going to need someone to teach you how to do some stuff. It’s going to be way quicker than working it out on your own. Why reinvent the wheel if someone’s been there before you and great teachers are wonderful and important, I have learnt so many amazing things from so many amazing teachers. [00:19:24] I would not be here. If it weren’t for those teachers, I will continue [00:19:30] learning from great teachers. There will be times when you need someone to just do the thing for you instead of you trying to do it alone.  If you don’t want to learn how to build a website or basics of graphic design, then hire out if you can afford to if the money allows. [00:19:49] It will save you so much time and allow you to focus on your zone of juicy genius. And if you can’t yet afford it, then go about it in the simplest most straightforward way. Don’t try and get really fancy. Don’t try and do an all singing, all dancing, do a fit for purpose until you can hire someone to do the all singing, all dancing bells and whistles version. [00:20:13] There will be times when you need someone to help you see that big picture. To plan the path forward based on maybe their experience or their expertise, someone who can take that helicopter view and help you to take that helicopter view of your business because you spend so much time in it that it can be really difficult to be able to do that for yourself. [00:20:34] Having someone who will. Help you with that will save you so much time and so much money and energy and having a sounding board. So when you can guide you out of the maelstrom of thoughts in your head, in your mind of finding the right place forward for you. [00:20:57] That’s what great coaches [00:21:00] and masterminds are priceless not to tell you what to do, but to help you feel into your own true North of find your own path and trust your instincts around that. And there’s always going to be times where your fellow travelers always, always, always. And I say that, like I say, biggest introvert ever. [00:21:23] Big things that have made the hugest difference for me have been having buddies, people who maybe if they do the same type of work, maybe they do  something slightly different, but who, who just know and understand the day-to-day reality of running a business like mine running a business, maybe they’re a bit further ahead. [00:21:45] Maybe the they’re not quite at the same level, but they just get it. When you have that, those kinds of  layers of support, those circles of support around you, you get to choose your own path and your own direction guru free you. Don’t need someone to give you permission to try out new things in your business. [00:22:09] There is going to be no one path that is going to suit everybody. And that is the scary thing sometimes, but it’s also incredibly liberating. So much of the work,  the  emotional supportive work of owning a business is helping you to push forward on your own path. I [00:22:30] get that it’s so much more comforting and less scary. [00:22:34] If someone comes along and says, pay me this money, and I will give you the exact steps you need to take by. So tempting. That’s so tempting, but do you know, anyone who has worked for, because I don’t, there are certain aspects of people’s business model kind of go, Oh yeah, I can try something like that. [00:22:59] Or I could do some of that, but there are no guarantees that what’s worked for. Somebody else is going to work for you in the same way, because you are unique, your business’s unique, your clients are unique. And so. An awful lot of running a business is trial and error  trying something, learning from it, improving on it, doing something different, looking what fits into your life and your energy and your capacity and what your clients need and what money you need to earn. [00:23:29] I need to creative act, running a business and. Creative acts aren’t built on blueprints. And I get the desire to hand over the responsibility to somebody else, to the guru who will say, do it this way. Do exactly what I say. Don’t deviate from the path. Keep going, take this step, then that step, then that one, if it hasn’t worked, you’ve not done it right, because that will tend to be the message of it. [00:23:59] If it doesn’t [00:24:00] work. And invariably won’t so I’m. Inviting you to do is to take the less traveled path. The one where you make your own decisions with support. When you get to tune into what your head and your heart say is right for you, but without needing to rely on magical thinking, or just wishing and hoping it’s far healthier. [00:24:25] And I would argue it’s a far more effective way of doing things. It helps to move us away from this toxic idea of. You need a guru to tell you what to do, or you need permission to do these things or [00:24:43] you have to do it all on your own and not ask for help. And this new way of,  creating businesses and creating business communities, mutually supportive communities. So much more nourishing is so much more effective. It’s so much lovelier. As a way of putting your work out into the world. And that’s what I want for you. [00:25:08] That’s what I want for all of us.   

[00:25:12] Thank you so much for listening. Take care of you. If you have any questions, if you have any comments, please feel free to get in touch with me, Jo at Jocasey.com and I will speak to you very soon.

The Co-Delusion Of The Shiny Life

The Co-Delusion Of The Shiny Life

The Co-Delusion Of The Shiny Life

The Shiny life is seductive, powerful and damaging not only to our businesses but to society as a whole. Sound dramatic? Hear me out. 
This episode is all about how, far from being a bit of harmless ‘putting on a brave face’, shiny thinking can lead to some very dark places. 
The shiny life is all about focusing on the positive to the exclusion of all other things. And we WANT things to be lovely. We don’t want to feel pain and frustration, fear and loneliness. We WANT the shiny, happy life. 
But when lived experience doesn’t meet up to that desire it can go one of two ways:
Reality comes crashing in, shattering the carefully constructed house of positivity cards you’ve built OR 
Major cognitive dissonance occurs. 
Now, don’t get me wrong – sometimes looking for the silver linings of a situation can be a very useful skill that helps us keep things in perspective. If I’m having an off day, going for a brisk walk, listening to some uplifting music and finding someone funny to watch are all wonderful ways to shake that mood off. 
So what’s the harm in just thinking positively, you may ask? 
When the personal development and online coaching world are selling the message that we are so omnipresent and powerful that our very thoughts can create our reality – and then reality smacks you in the face (such as with a very real and global pandemic) the system starts to glitch and become something far more toxic. 
In this episode of the Unshiny podcast,  I’m diving deeper into why buying into the co-delusion of the shiny life is bad for your clients, bad for your business – and bad for society as a whole. I’ll be talking conspiracy theories, Qanon and why there has been such an overlap between toxic positivity, wellness communities and conspiracy theories that take us about as far away from love and light and you can imagine. 

Oh, and I’ll also be sharing why avoiding the co-delusion of the shiny life is pretty much essential if you want to attract the clients you deserve and have a business that feels lush as hell and filled with magic, creativity and income. 

What Is An Unshiny Business?

What Is An Unshiny Business?

What is an Unshiny Business? 

Hi, I’m Jo. Maybe you already know me. Maybe this is our first encounter. Whichever it is, you should know that I am not about to tell you that building my business was an easy process. 

For me, it wasn’t. I’m 49, British, introverted, possibly neurodivergent (more about that at another time.) a worrier, clumsy, super nerdy and definitely not polished. I struggle with many of the same things you likely do – procrastination, overthinking, self-doubt, feeling like an imposter at times, homeschooling, health issues, fitting in time to do the Asda shop – you know, the reality of being a human. 

 I’m also wickedly good at coaching and helping artisanal business owners find their voice, their message and a marketing approach that suits them and doesn’t leave them feeling like an exhausted heap on the floor. 


The Pressure to be SHINY is real

So when I first started my business, I really struggled because I couldn’t see anybody who was like me in the online business space. There were lots of very polished, very together smiley, thin. “Look at my amazing spotless kitchen!” Type of coaches and business people out there. And I just couldn’t see myself reflected in what they were saying in their approaches, or in a lot of their methodologies. 

Knowing what I know now, I’m positive I’m not the only one who feels this way – but back then I seriously questioned whether I could have a business that worked, made me enough money to live on, and allowed me to do the work I felt called to do. 

(which would have been a shame because, as I said, I’m really bloody good at what I do.)

That feeling of not seeing ourselves reflected in the style, language and culture of those who are deemed to be the ‘successful’ ones in a space can be a barrier to a lot of us. I know I’m not the only one who struggled with this. Thankfully over the years, I have gathered a band of fellow travellers and. Found my people, but it was a lot more difficult than it needed to be. 

The Unshiny Business Approach Is Different

In this podcast, I’m going to be sharing some of my experience, some of my expertise, as well as speaking to fellow travellers along the path of moving away from the very aggressive Bro marketers “sell that thing!” Crush your dreams”! Type of approach and over to something a lot more human, a lot more doable. Marketing for the rest of us. 

Not just because it opens up a space for those of us who aren’t shiny and aggressive, and very “grr!, I’m a tiger!” Type of people but because those techniques just don’t work in the same way that they used to. And they’re not the kind of things that we want to be putting out into the world. 

So if you’re sick of the bro marketers with their manipulative, shady tactics and overblown promises, there is an alternative – The Unshiny approach. 

In the very first episode of the Unshiny podcast, I’m going to share what an Unshiny business is and how this differs from many of the approaches you’ll see in the online marketing world. 

What’s more, I’ll share how the Unshiny business approach is actually much more effective and sustainable when it comes to building trust, finding clients and generating income than the bro marketing tactics and schemes. 


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“When I first started my business, I really struggled because I couldn’t see anybody who was like me in the online business space. There were lots of very polished, very together smiley, thin. “Look at my amazing spotless kitchen!” Type of coaches and business people out there. And I just couldn’t see myself reflected in what they were saying in their approaches, or in a lot of their methodologies. 

That can be a barrier to a lot of us. I know I’m not the only one who struggled with this. And thankfully over the years, I have gathered a band of fellow travellers and. Found my people, but it was a lot more difficult than it needed to be. 

In this podcast, I’m going to be sharing some of my experience, some of my expertise, as well as speaking to fellow travellers along the path of moving away from the very aggressive Bro marketers “sell that thing!” Crush your dreams”! Type of approach and over to something a lot more human, a lot more doable. Marketing for the rest of us. 

Not just because it opens up a space for those of us who aren’t shiny and aggressive, and very “grr!, I’m a tiger!”Type of people. But because those techniques just don’t work in the same way that they used to. And they’re not the kind of things that we want to be putting out into the world. 

I’m Jo Casey and I work with artisanal business owners, people who are in it for, for the work, for the craft for making a change with their clients or with their products or through the work that they do. People who want to put their values front and centre of their business. People who are not comfortable with the idea that we have to manipulate people into sales, or we have to be on social media, 24/7. 

And that’s why I call this alternative approach The Unshiny approach to doing business.   

So, let’s talk about what an Unshiny business actually is. And it’s a good place to start by looking at well, what is a shiny business, like,  what are the elements of a shiny business and how does an Unshiny business differ? And that’s not to say that shiny is a bad thing. It’s just that I use that as the terminology for, some people will call it bro marketing, some people call it kind of your traditional hardcore marketing. You can call it what you want – I just call it the shiny marketing, because it’s the stuff that I find just so impenetrable. It just leaves me cold and it does for many of my clients. So let’s look at that and some of the elements.  Because doing that contrast I think it’s really useful when it comes to a case of what is Unshiny business then.

So shiny marketing the extreme, I’m talking about the extremes here, but the half that very masculine approach.  Sometimes referred to as bro marketing. And as a coach called Carolyn Herfurth, I think you pronounce it, had this at this really nice kind of descriptions for it. Maggie Patterson  Also talks about this a lot and shared I’m using  Carolyn’s definition at the moment. So a bro marketing approach is it’s very masculine it’s a very masculine approach. That kind of idea of aggression dominance. The idea is very often that. There’s a manipulation that goes on using psychological triggers to compel the desired action. So there’s this, this kind of the whole field of research called. 

[00:04:16] Social triggers, which is about, you know, what are the kinds of things that we can do, we could say, or the conditions we create. I mean, it’s more likely somebody is going to take an action. And there are people who want you to know, who made your whole careers out of, of sharing these techniques. And you know, some of them, you kind of think, okay, that’s, that’s fairly benign. And then others are really kind of hardcore manipulation stuff. And there’s, there’s a whole gamut of them when it comes to marketing. So I’m not saying that using all social triggers is a bad thing because we. We probably all inadvertently use those. At times, but at its extreme. There’s this emphasis on how can you manipulate somebody psychologically to compel them to do things. So they use things like false scarcity. 

[00:05:07] “Only 10 places left”! or “we can only take 100 people on this webinar”, which it turns out is like prerecorded and there is no upper limit of how many people they can get on there. Or. You know, it’s only available at these three times, and then you look it’s prerecorded. Why is it only available at those three times? But you kind of think “I have to, I have to get on there. 

[00:05:29] Otherwise, I’m going to miss out on it”, it creates this agitation and people. Similarly really short deadlines, you know, when you get those the trip wires where it’s counting down like 10 minutes and you can see the second sticking buy-in and it tends to throw us into the psychological state of agitation and one of the ways that our brain tries to resolve and therefore relieve that agitation is by taking the action. And one more in the agitated state we’re much more likely to sign up for the thing that maybe we didn’t want really. And. Yeah. Again, it’s it’s it. It’s manipulating people. 

[00:06:12] Over-inflated promises or really complicated funnels and blueprints and this constant cycle of launches.  I know a lot of my clients worry about am I sending too many emails? And things like that when they are, you know, maybe they’re just sending like three a week or something, or. And, and then on the other extreme, you’ve got the people who were sending like, you know, at the end of a launch for some people you’ll get like six or seven a day. 

[00:06:39] And again, it’s, it’s, it’s trying to trigger the psychological response, which means that when we’re agitated, one more likely to take an action.  Bro marketing was created primarily by men and for men. But there are also women who use these techniques again, we’re talking about the extremes and they disguise their bro marketing this because they do it like, you know, with lots of pink. Do you like, I love your pink flat lay with glitter on it and metallic flourishes and things like that. These approaches are so pervasive it for a lot of us it’s, it’s what we think of as marketing. 

[00:07:21] Also for a lot of us, it’s when we, we kind of enter this world because typically the people I work with and you may relate to, this is certainly how I was. They are. Really into the thing that they do, you know, the coaches and they love coaching or they’re healers, and they love the they can see, really see the power and the potential for change. And, they love being able to help people. And that’s what they’re driven by and they want to be able to make a great living from it. Attend a couple of webinars or see these other people and they kind of go, Oh my. God, I couldn’t possibly do that. That looks hideous. 

[00:08:05] And that was certainly my responses. And I was like this real visceral kind of reaction. 

[00:08:12] There are lots of, . When these people are selling things to us, because also a lot of the things that we see and we see as marketing they’re things that are targeted towards us as business owners.  So there’ll be talking about their launch formulas and they’ll be talking about persuasion copy. And you may have heard phrases like push the pain points and emphasize to people that they’re really going to miss out if they don’t get this offer. 

[00:08:38]”Hurry places are limited”, 10x-ing things, very transactional, all of these six and seven-figure promises. A fair amount of guilt-tripping and shame-based selling, “Oh you don’t want this thing? Well, I thought you were interested in building your business.” You’ve that kind of thing. Lots of FOMO, fear of missing out. 

[00:09:00] Lots of urgencies, trying to create insecurity. This idea that we constantly have to be hustling.   There’s  Gary Vaynerchuk a quite famous thing that he talked about,  if you’re not willing to work 16 hours a day for it, then you don’t want it badly enough. And I take such exception of that for,  as somebody who literally does not have 16 hours know, do most people, unless you have, an inheritance and a wife and staff who are going to be looking after things. And this idea that we have to win all costs. It’s a very dominant space. You have to win the sale. You have to crush the competition, crush your goals, all of that kind of stuff. Oh, God. It’s exhausting. Even thinking about it. 

[00:09:43] So you may be thinking that that sounds hideous, but. It must work, mustn’t it?  And then here is the other thing that these approaches have been garnering fewer and fewer results as time has gone on. Because audiences are not stupid. And the coaching world is especially it’s littered with people who’ve tried all of these tactics and have little to show for it. I have worked with people who have spent 

[00:10:15] tens and tens of thousands on strategies that haven’t delivered the results that they were promised.  So let’s look at what works instead. What works instead is unshiny marketing. Human to human connection. 

[00:10:39]Adult to adult approaches. You may be familiar with the concept of transactional analysis. If you’re not, here’s a tiny, tiny, very high, high-level view of it. It’s the idea that. At any one time, we are as humans in. A particular psychological state of either adult. Parent or child.  Parent and child tend to have this triggering effect on each other. I don’t mean triggering us in, you know, triggering trauma or anything like that. But if you’ve ever had the experience where. So I can remember those one time when. I was working for an organization and I was having a meeting with somebody and she burst into the room. 

[00:11:26] And she said. I can’t believe you kept me waiting like that. There are so many mistakes in, this piece of work. This really isn’t acceptable. 

[00:11:36] So she’s being very critical parent. Now was my response to that calm and measured. Oh, no. My response was a stroppy teenager, basically. I’m in my thirties at this point. And I immediately, I could feel, I could feel this physical change on me. And I was almost doing that kind of wobbly neck shaky shoulders thing that, that teens do. 

[00:12:03] I said, well, it’s not my fault that that happened. You don’t know. I was immediately on the defensive. I was immediately in this almost like this, this, this teen can tell me what to do. State. 

[00:12:17] Similarly, you may have hard experiences where somebody has been very, very very in need. And your response has been to go on to soothe them and to take control and to reassure them and tell them it’s going to be okay. And because what can happen if sometimes in a needy almost childlike state it can trigger our nurturing parent side. Now, these things are bad. As I say, we are always in one of these kind of three. Headspaces if you like any one time and new usually happens. Totally subconsciously usually before we’ve even noticed that it’s happening. So I,  sometimes think of that Newton’s cradle those desks toys, where you pull out the ball on one side and all hit the metal balls and then the other ball swings out. So that equal and opposite reaction. 

[00:13:14] It’s like that, but psychologically when we’re interacting with people, And bro marketing uses those approaches quite a lot. It was sometimes she’s critical parent. If you haven’t got onto this yet, or if you’re not prepared to work 16 hours a day, you don’t want this enough. How would you expect to get into a good school if you’re not going to sit and put the work in? it’s that kind of tonality that can trigger stroppy teenager. Can also trigger any other aspects of that kind of child persona within us. And quite often that will be compliant child   “Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I don’t know what I’m doing. I really do need to sign up for this because, Oh my God I could never do this. I’m not working 16 hours a day. I need to work harder”. 

[00:14:06] And so in TA what they talk about is. To kind of bypass, those interactions when they’re not healthy and they’re not being very helpful is to use the adult state in the adult state assumes that well, I’m an adult and your, an adult and so, therefore, we can talk rationally. We can talk emotionally but we are both at an equal level. I don’t need to dominate over you. I don’t need to shame you nor do I need to kind of go, “Oh, please like me, please. Like me.”

[00:14:37] It’s this equal relationship. And in the Unshiny approach, what we focus on a lot is how can you maintain that equal, respectful relationship so your audience, your potential clients have that real sense of agency. There is no shaming that goes on. There is an assumption there in our interactions that actually people can make good decisions for themselves. I don’t need to manipulate them into doing anything. 

[00:15:11] the Unshiny approach is also about placing our values, front and centre of our work. So

[00:15:22] there’s often lots of debate around should you be talking about politics in your business? Well, personally 2016 and Brexit and the election of Trump. Where the watershed moments that for me meant I could not

[00:15:45] not talk about it. I could not just pretend, Oh, you know, “they’re all the same, aren’t they on both sides?” So when you have people overtly lying or being overtly racist and misogynistic and when there’s real actual harm being done for me personally, I could not remove that from my dialogue now that doesn’t necessarily mean that I have courses that are around social justice or, or things like that. That’s not my, my field of work, but it does mean that when I’m on social media, I don’t shy away from sharing my opinion or saying  which side of the fence if you like that 

[00:16:29] I land on. 

[00:16:32] I also make sure that I focus on how my values play out in my business and in my work. So it’s not just talking about what your values are. But there’s also something about how have you got your business set up in a way. That reflects and honours your values. So for example, one of my values is community. 

[00:16:59] Which is makes me laugh because I have, yeah, I’m massively introverted. And I know how hugely invaluable community is. And so having communities and communities, whatever, they may look like having healthy communities. Is really important. So for certainly my group program, my signature program, the supernova collective communities baked in right at the beginning of that. And we, we, we make sure that we have. 

[00:17:29] A session. Why should they be into the program, which is about let’s all define our working practices and how we’re going to show up for one another and,  how we’re going to handle conflict and,  those kinds of things? It’s really, really important for me that we have those kinds of healthy interactions and a healthy community. 

[00:17:45] Things like being genuinely anti-bullying is really important to me. I do not always get right. Sometimes I get massively wrong. But one of my values is also around learning from your mistakes and making amends. If,  when you do that, it’s not if it’s a when and I think we’re, we’re kind of interacting as humans we’re always going to mess up and we have to be okay messing up it doesn’t mean you like it, but it means that you’re not just going to dissolve into a heap on the floor if somebody calls you out.  Having conversations rather than just being “buy my thing, buy my thing!”. 

[00:18:25] There’s an awful lot of marketing, which is about that kind of very shouty approach to things. And the Unshiny approach is about, well, let’s have conversations like humans. So I will regularly have virtual coffees with people virtual cuppas with people.  My social media is a mixture of things like sharing. What I think is going to be useful content, but also kind of conversation starters – “I think that’s what do you think?” And again reinforces the idea that it’s this pre-adult to adult approach. 

[00:19:04] Being transparent. Being transparent, with things like your pricing, being transparent about things like what your values are. Things like, you know, what people get as part of, the programs. Being transparent sometimes when you mess up. Trying to be clear around things. You’re best to have, some clarity around this is who I help. This is what I help them with. These, the kinds of things that we will work on. These are the kinds of outcomes, you can 

[00:19:34] expect, but it’s providing that clarity around it. And that can sometimes mean kind of, no, that’s not what we work on or no, that’s, you know, I I’m very open. I’m clear with people. Yeah. Can you help me get to six figures if I do this program? I’m like, “no, it will not. If you’re like at high five figures, quite possibly, but if you’re starting from zero, no, we’re not. it’s very unlikely, but we’ll get to that stage in the, in this, as part of this course.” 

[00:20:02] It’s just about when we clear what you offer, being really clear about what you don’t.  And being clear when you don’t know as well, which brings to the next one is honesty. 

[00:20:12] Being honest about. Sometimes what the struggles are, what the messiness is, because I think being able to have more of those conversations about, well, what does it really take?  

[00:20:24] Is very empowering is really important to be able to share. 

[00:20:32] Because there are so much overblown promises.  there’s so much around.  Oh, look at my wonderful life. Look at my laptop lifestyle!” When you’re behind the scenes, that could be all kinds of things going on. And I think what, that, that kind of faux perfection. What that does. Is. It does a couple of things. It says to other business owners, “Oh, look, your life. Isn’t as perfect as me therefore, you can possibly do this.” 

[00:21:04] And I know people aren’t, overtly trying to say that, but that can be the result of it. But what it does more importantly for your bottom line is it says to clients, “I’m your guru. I will save you. I will rescue you”, or it says to them, “you couldn’t possibly attain, what I have attained.”  I sometimes look at people like, like Tony Robbins now, Tony Robbins is a flawed human being, but to listen to Tony Robbins, most of the time, he has, no flaws.  he’s perfect all the time. He’s very, very defensive. And I think a lot of that kind of male, not just marketing. But. Yeah, I’m recording this a couple of days after Piers Morgan’s walked off Good Morning Britain after being called out for his appalling treatment of and comments around Meghan Markle that kind of pretend that I’m invincible and everyone else’s a snowflake. And then as soon as people are called out on things, it’s like the board is tipped up in the air and people walk off and leave the field or complain and it’s cancel culture then suddenly, whereas they will spend so much of their time trying to cancel or the people. 

[00:22:20] This real kind of viciousness that goes on. 

[00:22:24] And  I honestly think that an awful lot of that comes from the inability to show any vulnerability, the inability to say, when they’ve messed up, the inability to even hear a challenge around whether that was the right thing to do because a lot of the things that we do in our work. Because the majority of the work that I do is with, with coaches, with healers, with, with makers, 

[00:22:51] It’s nuanced. There, there aren’t always a right and wrong. For the type of work that I would hazard a guess that you’re doing, that I’m doing that most of my clients, my, my friends and my colleagues at doing it’s kind of pioneering in a way we’re collectively breaking an individually breaking moulds as we do this work. 

[00:23:15] And so they’re all no easy answers. You’re not always going to have a kind of “yes! got that perfectly, right.” You’re going to mess up. And sometimes there’ll be some messiness around. “I don’t know if I messed up, I did the right thing. And I thought at the time, but now on reflection, I’m not sure if it was the right thing. Maybe there wasn’t a right way of handling this.” 

[00:23:37] An awful lot of doing business is about “I’m going to try it and see if it works. And then if it does, or it doesn’t, then I need to kind of reflect and govern the data and get the feedback and see how could we make that better.” or if it doesn’t work, it’s about “how can I change some things may be to try it again?”, or “do I need to take a completely different approach?” 

[00:24:02] And everyone is able to operate in those nuanced, messy spaces then it’s really hard to grow. Then you end up just Crumbling at the first sign of something going wrong because you can’t handle the fact that it isn’t shiny. Isn’t perfect. And I think psychologically that’s really bad for us. 

[00:24:23] So. This, there’s an element of having that, that transparency around running your business for you as the business owner, but also for your clients. If you’re a coach, if you’re a healer if you’re anybody who does any kind of work that involves a human exchange, even if you’re a maker

[00:24:48] then our clients want to know more than anything, can they trust us with their vulnerability? Can they trust us with their hope? But if you’re somebody who is so uncomfortable with vulnerability, who always shows up as with the shiny, completely shielded, almost like, demi-God figure,  

[00:25:17] how is your client going to be able to trust that?  They’re going to look at that person and go, “that person could never help me because they wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be me”. 

[00:25:29] I work with a lot of particularly life coaches who get quite hung up on the idea that they have to somehow show that they are superhuman beings who never have any stuff who never struggled with anything in order to have clients have faith in them. And I actually think it’s the opposite. Because nobody has any stuff in their life. Nobody has this perfect,

[00:25:58] polished life. And next week’s episode is all about why that is a terrible thing for us all. Nobody has that. And so in order to really connect with your clients and really allow them to trust you, they have to be able to see you. They have to be able to see you in your humanity. Now that doesn’t mean that you have to show up 

[00:26:22]when you’ve just had the row with your partner and you’re doing the ugly cry on Instagram live. You don’t have to do that. 

[00:26:29] I wouldn’t dream of doing something like that, but I’m really open about the fact that I launched this program and it didn’t quite work, or I struggle with these aspects of marketing or I struggle with consistently showing up because I find it quite exhausting and I never quite know where the line is between when is it too many emails and when does it end up. 

[00:26:47] Yeah, all of those things. Cause there isn’t one, right definite answer. Just like there’s no one, right definite answer to how to you be a human. 

[00:26:55] And when we’re in that kind of shiny mould when we’re in that”everything’s perfect. Everything is fine” mould, and we’re not showing that, that human side of us, that messy side, that unshiny side, it creates this barrier between us and our potential clients. 

[00:27:16] So the unshiny approach is about how do we allow ourselves to show up in all of our humanity, with our gifts and our skills placed front and centre. , Fully owning what we can do and our brilliance and being able  to say to people,” I can help with this, this and this.”

[00:27:37] and do it in a way that is going to create real connections with our people. And that is what my friend and mentor Tanya Geisler calls simple, not easy. 

[00:27:55] But that’s what we do here. That’s the work. That’s the unshiny approach. 

[00:28:02] And it doesn’t have to be complicated. 

[00:28:08] It’s about. Sometimes showing up and saying 

[00:28:13] “it’s really hard at the moment. Isn’t it? And here’s how we could make it just that tiny bit easier.”

[00:28:18] Instead of saying “it’s really hard, but here’s how you can crush all of your fears or never feel fear again!!!”  it’s about nuance. And it’s about having that reality check to some of that really overblown marketing approach. 

[00:28:35] Because people are so tired of it. They’re so over it. It’s not working in anything like the way it may be used to because our audiences have got wise to it. And so not only is it ethically a far better thing to do? Not only does it feel much better to do as business owners, it’s way more effective. 

[00:28:59] So I hope that this episode has helped too clarify some points to you and maybe give you some pointers about how you can produce some more authentic less shiny connections with your people, how you can take some of the pressure off yourself to try a mask, just your very humanness. And how you can see that there is more than one way to market and 

[00:29:32] marketing, running your business, working with your clients can actually be a really lovely thing. It doesn’t have to be this horrible, separate thing that is just like, you know, eating your vegetables or,  just the thing you have to do in order to be able to do the work that you want. It can be this gorgeous extension of the work you already do and who you are in the world. [00:30:01] Thank you so much for listening. I would love to answer any questions that you have feel free to email me at jo – at -jocasey.com.  If you have questions and I will be more than happy to answer them on one of the forthcoming episodes. Thank you so much. You take care. Have a great rest of your day.  

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